Dear Phoenix,

I’m a single mother of three and well quite honestly things have become redundant in the dating area of my life, or basically the sex is. I am cautious about bringing men around my kids that aren’t worthy of myself or them and I would really like to settle down one day.

Until then, this is the dilemma, my friends suggested I get a sex toy. I was, least to say, apprehensive at first, but I did purchase it and well two months in, I must say I’m glad I did.

But my conscious is pricking me as I am a Christian and I’m sure that I’m committing some type of sin, using this. Could you give me some advice on whether my feeling of bliss is committing an offense against my faith, and I had heard that I could possible desensitize that area, hence I am not trying to mess myself up for my future husband…please help me here.


Dear Feeling Blissful,

I am no Doctor or Pastor, but I will say this and what I do know from experience and girl talk, I’m hopeful your “conference” last minutes and not hours to put it midly. I have heard any long periods of vibrations can desensitize any area of the body.

Orgasms give off a feeling of euphoria, so with that said, it can destress you and set you free momentarily.

We live in a pornographic world, where sex on a whole is a multimillion business. Self-awareness has been an awakening not only for you but many women. There are some that will and have never experienced an orgasm.

About reference to your spiritual or Christian walk, that’s between you and God, Allah or the Universe, I cannot speak on that. I do know what it states in the written word and I’ll leave that right there.

Remember we and when I say we, I mean communities, countries and the world have evolved and become very open on SEX it is not taboo anymore.

I say do you, just keep it all in perspective.

Dear Phoenix,

My parents are divorced now for over 20 years, and their relationship is strained to say the least. They don’t communicate at all with each other and it has caused problems with my growth as an individual and in dealing with them also. Even though I’m an adult now I see how it affects my kids. I can’t seem to have them and their significant others together at the same events for the kids or myself without someone feeling uncomfortable.

I’ve accepted their behaviour over the years but now it’s becoming too much, I want to have events where I can invite them both and they co-exist around my friends and family without tension.

What can I do?

Dear Frustrated,

Twenty years is a long time to now start to ask for them to be cordial. It sounds like counseling at its early stages should have taken place, for your benefit as well as theirs. I would suggest sitting with each of them and letting them know of your concerns and that for your kids you would appreciate it if you could invite them to events without any concerns of having to deal with their feelings. 

As an adult you have more than your share of responsibilities and your parents feelings now are not a priority, if it’s not benefitting to you and your kids, please don’t subject them to it. 

Dear Phoenix,

I’ve been having an issue with my boss' daughter. I work in a very small firm and I have much respect for my boss but his daughter who just graduated from college has now come back and until she finds a secure job, my boss has hired her within the firm to help her acquire some knowledge in our industry.

I’ve have eight years’ experience and I feel quite slighted most days as when I make the final decision on most of our company’s projects, the young lady has come across very abrupt and disrespectful to my decisions. I take offence to this. It’s become a concern with other staffers and our clients.

How do I handle this situation without losing my cool or my job?

Dear Keeping Your Cool,

Have a non-confrontational talk with the daughter with someone else in the meeting, or request a meeting with your boss including other staffers, discussing issues that have been raised based on decisions the daughter has made without your approval.

You can state that clients are concerned and have made enquiries into her level of experience and in light of the conversation hopefully your boss will in turn have a one on one with his daughter. It would help to come across objectively and that you have the clients and his organization's best interests at heart.


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