Dear Phoenix,

I am in love with a married man. We have not done anything physical but we are emotionally cheating. We talk daily about every and anything, even our significant others. We are growing more and more attached, but I don't think it makes sense.

While he makes it clear that he is not leaving his wife, he wants me to give him my all emotionally. I think this is selfish? What do you think?

Am I Making A Mistake

My dear,

I agree it’s an emotional roller coaster but look at it from this angle, you didn't state your relationship status so I'll guess you are dating or married.

Ten questions you need to ask yourself are:

1. How would I feel if I found out my husband/significant other was verbally connecting with another female on a regular basis?

2. How will this impact his children (if applicable)?

3. If this isn't your first married man relationship, why do I fall for this type of man. i.e. lack of father, an form of past abuse.

4.  We haven't had sex, is it still an affair am I being honest with myself, it could eventually get physical.

5.  Am I willing to go that route?  A physical connection is a dangerous and strong bound with someone married.

6. Am I being fooled by believing I mean something to him, and am I the only one he is talking to in this manner?

7. Do I want to be known as a home wrecker?

8. Does he only call or make time for me when it’s convenient for him?

9. Am I settling for a relationship where I am forced to keep unhealthy secrets?

10. Can we really have a relationship?

Although you know that he is married, you probably think you have your feelings under control. But trust me feelings of jealousy and distrust will set in before you know it. You will be longing to see more of him and not doing so will affect you more then it will him. 

Give yourself a breather and let it go. Love yourself more and walk in your purpose, knowing that the man destined for you will come into your life at the right time. 

Dear Phoenix,

I think that my man is losing interest in me because I am putting on weight. He claims that he loves me but only is intimate with me at night or some hour in the morning when the lights are off. I asked him if he's turned off and he says no, but things are definitely different. I love him but I feel he is fat shaming me. What do I do?

Feeling Unattractive


Never apologise for your body! We all pack on pounds for whatever reasons. Your boyfriend needs a reality check from the sounds of it. My advice sit down and have a conversation with him about how he’s making you feel. 

Let him know how the late night antics leave you feeling.

Share with him how it’s making you uncomfortable and how it’s affecting how you feel about yourself. Tell him, it’s making you question his love and commitment to you and the relationship.

I want to empower you to do what you need to do for you! Never consider someone's feelings who doesn't consider yours and don't let him or anyone else break down the pride you feel for yourself.

Tell him he better put some respect on it!!

Dear Phoenix,

One of my good friends always brings around this one girl who drives me absolutely crazy. I think that she is rude and obnoxious and can't understand why my friend is so close to her.

Whenever she is around, I try not to say much to her but she insists on engaging me in conversations. And then the battle begins. I've told my friend not to bring her around but she does it anyway. I'm starting to get mad at her too although I love her to death. Her friend is torture. Do I give her an ultimatum?

Me or She

Dear Me or She,

Its sounds like a touch of jealousy or possessiveness on your part.  Are you experiencing any self-esteem issues? Can you identify what it is about her that really bothers you? I would identify the reason behind your jealousy and talk to your friend about it again. 

If your friend includes you in going out with her and her friends, that should tell you that she cares about her relationship with all of you. Remind yourself of the importance of your friendship and its worth to you. What you see in her…obviously others respect and love about her also. 

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